Tuesday..
I get up by my alarm, take my ibuprofen, check work email, and plop back into bed. So much for getting up earlier. The next time I get up is because I’m due to take my antibiotic. Time to grab some food.
I begin to think about expanding my limited food choices with cottage cheese. I worry that I’m not getting enough calcium and protein in my diet. I’ve started to get a few muscle spasms, and I hope that doesn’t mean I’m low on potassium.
After being up and about the house for a while I decide to try to go out to grocery shop for food supplies. When I get in my car I note I need gas too. So both it is. When I get out at the grocery store I notice in my rear view mirror that in daylight my bruises look much worse. I mentally whimper, feel that self-conscious mood again, hang my head down, and try to avoid eye contact. I maneuver around the store making pains to avoid people and especially children. Last thing I want to do is scare them with my looks. I grab what I need to. A couple of women meet my eyes and smile. I smile back though I don’t feel happy at all. Even smiling too much hurts thanks to the big bruise on my left. No one says anything to me. I’m not sure if I like that or not. It is a bit comforting that I don’t have to explain why I look this way. I just hope people aren’t getting the wrong ideas.
The store feels awfully warm to me and it’s already very hot outside. I’m not sure if that’s because of what I’m going through or not. I’ve been warned on the paperwork to stay out of the sun and heat. Yeah that’s not hard to do when you’re already Irish and turn into a cooked lobster when you sit under the sun for too long. I quicken my pace. A cashier leads me to the self check out. I wasn’t sure I had the energy to do it but what the heck. It’s the only verbal acknowledgement I get. Once I’m outside the heat hits me again and I make a quick beeline to my car.
Next I get gas for the car. But of course I don’t just get it without feeling self-conscious again. I pick the pump with no one on my left and the pump between me and eye contact of the person at my right. Again I keep my head down and avoid contact.
I get home, unpack, and cool down in the house again. Later my husband takes me out for the rest of the supplies I need to get at a couple of other grocery stores. It is still really hot outside. I have to walk further to get in the store and I feel my cheeks begin to burn from the heat. We get what we need and again no one says anything to me nor my husband. Next grocery store same thing. My cheeks burn, I feel warm after being in the store for a while, no one says anything. My husband thinks the trauma to my face like the bruising is probably causing the discomfort feeling in the sun for my cheeks. This isn’t going to be a good week. I’m suddenly heat sensitive like crazy apparently.
After we get home I unpack my stuff again. Later in the day I prepare for returning to work. I’m really not looking forward to being out and about now between the bruises and the heat. I’m wishing I had some cloth to put over my head and wrap around my cheeks to protect them. It might also hide the bruises from a casual glance. I still get tired out during the day and I’m not sure if I’ll have the energy to do a full day of work. Though leaving early is pointless as the midday heat will fry me. It’s supposed to storm tomorrow so hopefully that’ll bring down the temperatures to something I can tolerate better right now. Well here goes nothing. Back out in the public eye and looking all the worse in that daylight sun.